Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize