Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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