You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
