I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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