Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
zippers are such a cool invention
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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