i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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