Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
