So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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