hotel room ftw
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
