I accidentally had phone sex last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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