All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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