I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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