Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
