i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
