wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
