I cannot find my penis.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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