I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
