I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
