He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
