girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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