That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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