Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
