sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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