So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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