Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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