One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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