capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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