But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
