all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
