yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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