If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
