You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
