And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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