You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
