shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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