I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
