I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
