I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
