I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
