Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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