Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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