i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
