It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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