sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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