I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
