i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
