whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
