Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
