well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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