Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
