I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
