Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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