she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
