dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize