I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
