it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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