Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
