Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
