you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
