I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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