I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
