You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
