Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
