The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
