There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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