New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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