Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
