i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
