Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
