Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
PANTIES FOUND
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
