is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
